Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
