it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
