Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
