She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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