The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
