If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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