Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
