PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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