I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
