she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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