turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
