She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
