I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The struggles of a small town man whore
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
