mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize