you traded sex for a burrito?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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