so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
