By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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