my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
