It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
