Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
