I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
