hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
