we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
