You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend