Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.

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  (636): It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks. (314): Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this. http://tfl.nu/u3mg
  Replies (30) Good night (4645) Bad night (620)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!

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  (724): Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face! http://tfl.nu/2men
  Replies (24) Good night (1319) Bad night (4747)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.

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  (308): I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose. http://tfl.nu/x4bb
  Replies (38) Good night (1178) Bad night (9065)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring

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  (765): i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring http://tfl.nu/hl5v
  Replies (13) Good night (1003) Bad night (5935)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

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  (609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r
  Replies (24) Good night (7509) Bad night (1897)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!

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  (901): Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train! http://tfl.nu/ural
  Replies (6) Good night (1979) Bad night (709)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines

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  (319): i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines http://tfl.nu/w20p
  Replies (5) Good night (3016) Bad night (792)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.

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  (+44): Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some. http://tfl.nu/rrxv
  Replies (6) Good night (3230) Bad night (757)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.

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  (360): just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs. http://tfl.nu/bvji
  Replies (18) Good night (1841) Bad night (492)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?

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  (+44): Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/0o8e
  Replies (7) Good night (4032) Bad night (694)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.

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  (413): I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR. http://tfl.nu/5elj
  Replies (16) Good night (2936) Bad night (759)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment

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  (701): He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment http://tfl.nu/7mc6
  Replies (3) Good night (1768) Bad night (375)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest

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  (613): Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest http://tfl.nu/6n7k
  Replies (4) Good night (1597) Bad night (328)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?

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  (313): Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing? http://tfl.nu/tcaq
  Replies (4) Good night (689) Bad night (612)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You pretty much did tho

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  (248): Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum (1-248): You pretty much did tho http://tfl.nu/fp9x
  Replies (1) Good night (734) Bad night (229)

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