Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry