hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"