girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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