a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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