In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
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I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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