Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
