I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
