I got her a Nickelback box set.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot