fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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