Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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