this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
