I hate your face
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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