That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
