I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
