I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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