All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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