which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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