***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
