Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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