I heard we made out
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
