Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well you can't waste a boner
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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