I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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