remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
