Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
