Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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