i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
