Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
