he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
