Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
