I want to make a zoo with you.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
