I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
