she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
