I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
