the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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