Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
