Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
