If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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