if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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