fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize