So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
