Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
