if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
