it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
