Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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