Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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