so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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