fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
