Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
