Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
