i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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