Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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