"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
