omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
