I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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