Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
