4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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