speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
