I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
