The maid of honor just puked.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
