Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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