Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
