White coat. Heels.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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