You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
