Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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