Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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