No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
40s are totally the cure
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
