im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
