I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
