We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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