I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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